In Her Shoes

When you going through trouble or trouble has been going through you, things don't always look good. Actually, at that point life totally sucks. You hate every moment and things seem to get worse and worse. At that point, you are broke and you keep seeing nice things to buy, or you've just broken up with your other half and you keep spotting couples holding hands and you just want the world to swallow you at that moment, least not forget when you life is flat boring and everyone's update on facebook reads like,"Lovely Day guys twaz awesome!" "Love you people that was the dopest weekend ever!" Did I miss a memo or my good luck charm expired without the beeper. At that time, you feel grumpy and out of style literally. What could possibly not go wrong than this?
Then someday you are seated at a random cafe and you opted to get out there and see the world, maybe it would rub off the unhappy feeling that has grown on you like a mould. You sit right next to a lady dressed in a pink chiffon top, lovely black pencil skirt and black heels and you couldn't help but steal a stare or two. Immediately you joined the table, she asked you what the time was and you immediately glimpsed at your watch and told her the time. She mumbled something like "I hate waiting!" and you realized that someone must have kept her waiting and you share the same sentiments.
Before you knew it, you had already sparked a conversation and she was able to narrate the story of her life.You are seated nodding your head as you listen to this good looking woman, whom by the way doesn't look anything like her story and wonder how did she make it to look so good. In summary, the lady life consists of being abadoned by her only parent in gishagi, started working at the age of 15, was impregnated at the age 16 and miscarried, got pregnant the second time and this time got a bouncing baby boy. She is not married by the way and the two pregnancies were by different men who took advantage of her naivety.She is as close as to call her illetrate and has suffered as a squatter under her relatives' roofs.
Reality checks in as you listen to this lady;s story, and your life turns out to have 'antsize' issues like you are broke because you cannot afford the handbag hanging at Jamia mall at 3,500 or you are mourning all over town because your boyfriend left you, or you are bored and psyche-less because you friends went to Naivasha without you and you have nothing to do, yet there are people with big huge enormous problems in their lives and they look bright and shiny. One cannot tell that the lady seated next to me has lived most of her life struggling to get by to the next day.
In her shoes, life is seen very different and not affording a handbag or shoes is the least of her concerns,
what brings her joy is her son, she is not worried about the man who left her behind but worried of how to take care of the one she was left with.In her shoes, she was uncomfortable, the shoes were muddy, wet and unbearable but she smiles and looks trouble free. In her shoes, they may not fit but no one needs to know. In her shoes, she tells a different story.

I Will Love My Child

With the mother's day spirit wafting the air, there are some of us whisked into the melancholy of not really knowing or feeling exactly what is the fuss about.
I watch solemnly out of the window and watch as a mother holds her daughter's hand as they stride to the shop. The daughter swings her mother's hand as they share a very interesting story telling from the look on her mother's face.

The scene took me back years when I was about the girl's age and I could not recall ever going anywhere with my mother neither to the shops nor to visit a neighbour. Most of the times she would shove me away and say that she does not want me disturbing her or she was going to a place not encouraged for babies like me. By the age of 10, I got used to the idea and did not bother trying to get my mother's attention anymore.

I was not exactly a bad kid, in fact I was an excellent student in class, always top of my class and was good in the co-curricular activities as well.However, I could not understand the distance between my mother and I. Every moment I had, I made sure I would come out the best just to get my mother's attention and approval.

Things did not exactly go as expected even with the good grades and everything, I guess she was used to having a bright child and anyway it saved her a lot of money because I ended up getting a scholarship all the way to high school.

There are times I would simply wish for her to show a little concern. I wanted to do some of the things with her; go shopping, visiting the city, cook.

Eventually, things got all messy when my sister got pregnant out of marriage, all her anguish and stale mood fell on me. Our relationship was tarnished never to be recovered. I stopped seeking her approval and stop wishing for a more concerned parent. She was as hard as a rock even in the worst of situations like sickness, nothing moved her to care.

One day I knelt down and said this special prayer, God I know I am not perfect but please let me have a heart to love my child and to show him/her the care and concern that I see in other mothers' eyes because with that I will get the true satisfaction that I have seek all my life. I promise to always love my child! Amen!

As the rest of the world celebrates Happy Mother's Day, I think of my child who is yet to be born or conceived but I promise to love him/her and give him/her the support I never received.

What Happens When We Grow Old?

We all have dreams, ambitions, goals and principles that lead us to our ultimate future. Some dreams seem so unreal, others seem like a stone throw away and others are just beginning to happen. However, in the race to catch these dreams, people become selfish and all their focus is on them. Its always what I want...I have to...I should...and I will do whatever it takes to get what I want.
Take for example a competition, hardly will you ever see people help each other, if it will cost them their title. Some will even plan plots against each other just to get a boost to the top. Most of the thoughts running in each minds is 'How can I make it?' and 'What does it take?' If your opponent spots you as their threat  they will do absolutely anything to jeopardize your chances of qualification.
But the big question is? What happens when you finally get all the things you want? When you get your car, your house, your dream career and sufficient money to blow on your expenses, what next? Most people have the notion that after all that they will be happy and life will take its course.
It is not exactly as happy especially when racing up the ladder you knocked out people who care about you out of the race. You angered most of your mentors and dismissed all of your friends. Whom do you share this success with now that you have it? If you are single, the situation becomes worse because you have no one to run to in case you need to celebrate or just chat with.
My grandmother is now old, age is catching up with her. She was a people person and despite her husband leaving her since 1995, she has been happy and well taken care of by her family and friends. Unfortunately, she is now aging fast and has become easily irritable. She cannot tolerate help from a househelp and she believes that they all do not cook good food. She cannot be directed to do anything leave alone take her milk and foods when required and cannot stand the way the shamba boys dig her garden.
She was always there for the community when they needed her and has served her time well to her family. I am less worried because I know she is in safe hands wherever she is because she was good to the people around her as she built her dreams. Although she lives alone, she has people who care about her and love her.
But what happens when we grow old and there's no one to run to or take care of you? What happens when we grow old and we are past our dreams, ambitions and goals? When we too weak to cook or rush to the garden to get the sukumas? When we are too weak to go to the loo and too feeble to get up and go to the shower?

Will we have hurt so many people that no one will be by our side or will we be with friends and families who will still visit and take care of us?

Special is relative!

It  was a beautiful Friday like no other and I am resting my bum indulged in a novel so as to keep my appetite for the day coming. The shop wasnt exactly stormed with customers so I took advantage and well plunged myself in that comfort of a good book so dont judge! I got so carried away that by the time I actually looked at a living thing, it was lunch time. Clearly my stomach keeps its planner quite consistent so you cannot fail to miss a meal. The growl that followed next from the stomach clearly sent out a warning even the client I was serving gave that 'You must have eaten last in 2010' look before he offered to buy me some lunch.
The smile that curved on my face would fit the crescent moon quite perfectly and significantly said happy in a few words. "I appreciate that offer!" I said as he lead me to the next cafe right next to the shop. "Hmmm....today is my lucky day!" I thought as I curiously perused the menu.Quickly, I ran my eyes up and down until I came across the word special. I thought to myself that since I'm not buying I could risk the adventure of having the Chapati Beans Special with the utmost thought that special means it included some meat I assumed.
I eargerly waited for my 'Special' lunch to arrive as I created a vivid picture of how it would look and even salivated at the mere thought of it.Sooner than later, the waiter arrived with the delicacy well covered and leaving me to use my imaginative mind even more. Finally, he opened the plate and voila! it was the 'special' diet ready for me to munch on it but unfortunately there was no sign of meat neither did it look any 'special' to me.
Hurriedly I took the first spoon of the beans stew because by that I was literally starving.Peeeew!! I finally realized what special about the meal, it did not have any spices and neither did it have any salt. It tasted like boiled beans with additional onions and tomatoes to give it color. I called out to the waiter to find out why they called the meal special and yet it tasted quite the opposite. He replied with confidence that special means people with special needs; diabetic, people with ulcers.
At that moment I concluded that special is relative because to me it meant I get additional value but instead it reminds that not everything is about me.