THE BOY NEXT DOOR

My long weekend was finally here and I simply had to get away from all this chaos and madness of the city and opted to take a leave to shagz. I was exhausted like literally exhausted. I did not want to see a computer or anything close to technology and noise for the next couple of days. I was not sure if I wanted my phone to ring as well, but I had to put it on because I needed to communicate with my friend Clare to give me directions to her place in Eldoret. "Otherwise, once I get there I will probably switch off my phone." Those were my thoughts exactly.

 Once I got to the estate, I passed a young man seated on a stone at the entrance of the neighbor's house. From a glimpse, you could see he was good looking but from what he was wearing it will take the third glimpse to actually identify that he's quite a catch. His eyes especially under the 'mpesa' cap were not the first thing you would picture being so luring and amazingly striking. I quickly shook my head and kept walking. It would have been completely awkward to even think flirty things with a shagz guy. What could I do with this guy?...The thought was completely hilarious.

I got to Claire's, and the mum had prepared a feast which made me think she was having a bash until she confirmed that all that was for me. Its quite impressive the way people in shagz will prepare a feast for visitors and back in Nairobi, is bring your things, groceries, drinks, snacks. The country feeling was very relaxing, without wasting time I switched to comfort zone and was ready to enjoy this shagz kinda-life.

Next day, I was helping Claire's mum at the shop, when the guy from the neighbour's came in to buy some milk. He was not wearing his tattered shirt from yesterday. I could literally draw the cubes that formed on his body from the fitting sweatshirt he was wearing. I shook my head again, "this is a shagz guy! there's possibly no way I would even have a conversation with him past hi!" I told myself.

He did not have the common Kalenjin accent and his English sounded a bit polished, or probably I this was me having wishful thinking. I snapped out the thought and gave him the milk and asked if he needed anything else. He asked for my number but I reluctantly refused.

The next two days, I watched my 'neighbor crush' fix the gate, work on the kitchen garden, fix the car and do other jobs through the shrub fence. Talk about stalker eyes, I was literally drooling over some local boy and I was supposed to be doing some healing from the epic breakup that happened one month ago. Between the fence and I, the guy was quite a sight and he didn't have to know about it.

With all these shenanigans taking place in my head, I tried to distract myself with Claire's newborn and chores around the house. Claire noticed my weird crushing moments with the boy next door but didn't intrude to persuade me otherwise. She actually agreed that the neighbor was a fine local boy.I began contemplating whether I should have given him my number.

However, I knew that nothing would come out of this silly crush. He was a local country boy and I was a town girl. There was no way he would fit into my life, it would be just a waste of time.

It finally came time to leave I went to say goodbye to the 'guy next door' and still did not give him my number even after he asked again. The stalking was entertaining, he is a fine piece of art. I agreed that even shagz men can be quite enticing but I can not deal with their way of thinking and way of life. That is not just me.

Two months later, Claire was back to work and we had gone to have a coffee date at Java on Kimathi street. Claire laughed at me because of my silly crush and went ahead to create scenarios of how it would be to be the wife to a local shagz man. The chores, raising kids in the shamba, wearing lesos and long everlasting dresses to church. The thought of the whole weirdness was too funny. I would never make a good shagz wife.

As we went about our business, a sleek black jaguar parked right outside Ranalo's. A tall guy almost with a replica body figure of my shagz crush came out of the car. He closed the car door and began walking towards Java. It was Him. My boy next door, the guy from shagz, it was Him. Wait what was he doing here and wait he doesn't look anything like he did in Eldoret. Does he have a twin? Wait this couldn't be right? He entered Java and sat two seats away from Claire and I. It was actually him or maybe his identical twin. He looked away then suddenly looked in my direction and waved. OH SMUCK! its HIM!! My Shagz guy is not a shagz guy. Dang!! He stood and came to say hi to Claire and I. Claire stared in the same shock I was in.

I can not express the disappointment and confusion that was going through my head but I certainly wish I made a move back in Eldoret. Maybe I still have a chance. But how do I start? Probably my number...

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

Yeah I know..this was one of those days where things were taking off really well. I finally managed to make somehow round shaped pancakes which was simply a mystery to me. Those pancakes were very free-spirited to the point of almost looking like a necklace and others like a Masai hut. After whistling to the last pancake out of the pan, I joyfully trotted to the dining table to serve the delicacy to La Familia. This time I was willing to share. My small sister was the first one to dive in and she was really impressed by my prowess of my pancakes looking like food other than art on a plate. "Come and see this, El made real pancakes this time." If you are a stranger to this family, this is actually an achievement to have gotten that far in cookery skills.

After breakfast, I rushed to take a shower and then went into the next puzzle of what to wear. I know this does not come as a surprise to you but Oh well, it is an important ritual I have to go through every day. Over the past few months, I have added weight, so it is not exactly the dilemma of having too much to choose from but having almost nothing that fits you. Anyway I did not despair, I wore my only pair of jeans that gets to the waist with a lot struggle of jumping up and down my room and eventually lying on my bed to get it to close at the zip region. and the overflowing top.(my elder sister thinks the top makes me look pregnant) but at least no one gets to see the tummy. You know growing fat makes you grow through worse stigmatization than even HIV. I always have to deal with some very obnoxious questions of "When are you due?" "How is are your three children?" "Wow this pregnancy is really bursting out" I could almost punch someone if the face when I reveal that I am not pregnant, neither a mum but I just have a 3 CD changer to replace my tummy...Round is a shape too. It is a miracle even remembering when half the world thinks you are in your thirties and am barely 23.

So Closet done, and I can say I think the jumping up and down in my room lost me a few kilos because the outfits looks pretty OK to me. Immediately after I was done, I rushed out to go see my boyfriend at his place. I felt like a million buck walking on the road, with my sling bag intact and my ear phones booming to my favorite songs, this was gonna be a good day.

I took a matatu to town and another one to Gachie. When I got there, I was in a different continent altogether. The mud looked like a chocolate smoothie carpet waiting to sink you in. I was in sandals for heaven sake. As I stood at the stage thinking of the next option, some car sloshed past me sprayed me with mud on my jeans. The Pea Brained individual decided to tie and dye my outfit now I was left with no much choice than to take a bike before the situation  got worse. Immediately I got to their gate I started knocking like Hurricane Katrina was right about to swallow me whole. " Kevo Fungua Gate!!!" "Ni kunoma...Fungua Gate" I took a stone and hit the gate harder. In my head, I was desperate to get myself in that gate because I did not want to be spotted looking like a beggar after the 'tie and dye incident'.

I kept knocking that gate like I was promised a trip to Paris for the many times I knock. Sooner or later I heard someone at the gate and relief drew all over my face. However, the person opening caught me all by surprise. It was not Kevo but a female older version of him. I could notice the resemblance in their eyes and cheekbones. She was not very happy to see me.

"Kevin is not around. He will be back shortly, whom do I tell was looking for him?" The lady said.
I was too shocked embarrassed, my loud mouth took a flight to Canada and my voice went on vacation. I gasped for breathe tried to compose myself to speak. " I am Lydia, I wanted to borrow the English dictionary, but its ok, I will use google." I whispered. She nodded and closed the gate. And that HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, KEVIN! probably that is why I did not ever come back to your place or picked up your phone for a few days.

Embarrassed could not begin to describe the feeling I was going through while I walked back to the stage looking like a confused brain. Just when I thought I was getting lucky in this dating life, my results went back to the initial shape of my pancakes. SHAPELESS!

once bitten twice shy!: A Bird in hand is worth two in a bush

once bitten twice shy!: A Bird in hand is worth two in a bush: Life is a gamble. We always want more than we already have. Somehow just somehow, what somebody else has always looks better than what you h...

A Bird in hand is worth two in a bush

Life is a gamble. We always want more than we already have. Somehow just somehow, what somebody else has always looks better than what you have. A dress, a watch, a car, a house unless in the very truth it isn't. I have done shopping with my girls a few times and we get back to the house, I always feel like they picked better tops, shoes, and I had the same chance to do the same. Anyway, this is a proverb, phrase that captures my life and many others almost on a daily basis and I thought I should one of my many stories.
Rose was a beautiful girl who raised in the surburbs by a single mum who had done a good job by making her life as comfortable as ever. Rose had never used a matatu in her life and did not know the meaning of not being able to afford. Everything was given to her by request and literally her life is what every other child would call smooth sailing.
Unfortunately to Rose it didn't feel the same way, she wanted to spend time with her mum, get to share their day's experience, shop, laugh, cook but that never came to pass. Rose's mum was always busy doing one thing or the other. She had too many friends and no time to spend with Rose. She hired a nanny from when Rose was born and gave her the responsibility of caring for her daughter until now Rose is almost turning 15.
Anna was the name of the nanny. She knew what was going on and she made it her duty to put a smile on Rose's face every time she could. Rose and Anna did not exactly have the best relationship. According to Rose, Anna was just mare nanny and nothing more. No matter how many things she would do, Rose never paid attention and solely wanted the mum's attention.
It was an evening like no other, Rose came home and everything did not seem to be in place. She got really angry because her favourite biscuits were not in the kitchen, there was no tea in the flask, her shoes were dirty from yesterday and the house looked like a mess. She went straight to Anna's room to make a fuss and get to the bottom of the confusion in the house. Anna was on the floor, not moving, her eyes were closed but her body was still warm. Rose became frantic, and ran upstairs to call the ambulance or someone who could help. She had never been in charge of anything, everyone was always taking care of her especially Anna but this time she had to take the lead.
She made the emergency call and ran back to Anna's room to check if she is alive. She had seen in the movies how to check for the heartbeat, she put her fingers on her neck and sensed a slow throb on the neck.
Tears began to fill her eyes, when she realized that Anna may be dying and she had never really gotten to know her. Who was her family? Did she have kids? Where was she really from? Rose had no idea about her nanny's life. She went through her drawers to find something that could give her a clue of who to call. She scrambled through her everything and found a book. Hurriedly, she opened and began to read.
 After a few minutes or so, Rose realized she had been sobbing and was interrupted by the siren of the ambulance. The took her and put her into the ambulance and Rose got in and accompanied them to the hospital. Rose began to realize, Anna had been the only person who paid every attention to her. She made her favorite sandwich, she took her to shop, she taught her how to make muffins although Rose never paid attention. Anna always made a special cake for her on her birthday and somehow managed to get everything from her closet, to her food, schedule sorted at all times and Rose had not even one day paid attention. She always thought that Anna is paid to do those things, she does not need to be congratulated for it.
Rose always wanted her mum's attention which was too much to ask for. She spent most of her life sad because she wanted to have a normal relationship with her mum like everyone else but she did not get exactly what she wanted but got love care and attention from a stranger who is not her biological mum.
Rose is not the only who does this to herself or to others. We want things to work out they way we want. At times we have blessings right by our side but we are too focused in getting what we want and how we want it.
Rose may loose the opportunity of enjoying having a "mum" who is not necessarily the biological mum but plays the part better than most biological mums. This is not the normal story of where things should work according to plan but I believe the most awesome relationships are from the most awkward of situations.
Rose always had a mum, Anna was her mum and her bird in hand.

once bitten twice shy!: From Rugs to Riches to Loneliness

once bitten twice shy!: From Rugs to Riches to Loneliness: We all start from somewhere. The journey of a thousand miles start with a step and everyone has a story of where their journey begins. ...

From Rugs to Riches to Loneliness

We all start from somewhere. The journey of a thousand miles start with a step and everyone has a story of where their journey begins. When the struggle is every day's prick on the foot, you always forward to when the struggle will finally end and the good life begins. During the struggle, you meet and can manage to keep very few people in your life. However, most of us forget where we started and taken away by events of the good life.

Anyway the story I have today speaks volumes of what some people seem go through and I thought I should speak my mind about it.

A man, Joseph comes home very drunk, you could smell his alcohol breath from all way from the bar. He stinks and looks like a tornado hit his clothes as well as his entire being. He is a total mess, a real big one in fact. He bangs the door as he hurls insults at the wife to open the door. The Wife, Stella strolls slowly and opens the door for the darling husband. He staggers his way in and before he could utter another sentence he spills the remains of what he had for lunch to the floor, mumbles something like "where is the food?" and falls to the seat and waits for his wife to bring his food.

Stella, Joseph's wife barely complains.She walks to the kitchen heats his food and diligently takes the food to him in the sitting room. She then heats water for her husband to clean up and hurries back to remove his filthy clothes off his body, once he is done with having his dinner. She escorts him to the bathroom, cleans him up and takes him to bed and he is forced to put on his clean pyjamas. This has been routine for Stella and Joseph since three years ago when Joseph finally got a job promotion and his life started a step into the good life. That was the beginning of Stella's worry bottoms.

One day as Stella is at the cafe with her small sister near her husband's workplace, she overhears some lady mention her husbands full names and says something particularly queer about him. You would think queer would be something awful but on the contrary it was something nice. Allegedly, the husband had bought the lady a beautiful necklace and had promised to cook lunch over the weekend. Stella preferred to assume that the mentioned man was not her husband because the drunk that comes home every night is not capable of selecting a bead from a quarry stone and he had never ever touched any utensil since the day they first met,would he even know the difference between the mwiko for ugali and the one for stew.

However, later on that evening, she noticed that Joseph was wearing a new shirt. This caught her attention and she decides to peruse the pockets maybe she might find something interesting. To her surprise, she found a receipt for a beauty shop, he had bought a necklace. This revelation cut through her heart and she felt a surge to place the iron box on his face. She felt betrayed. What had she done to deserve such animosity and obnoxious treatment from her husband.

Stella could not have a decent conversation with her husband because half the time he was always too drunk to speak. He had one excuse after another of why they could not do one thing or the other together. " Oh I have work this weekend, My workmates are having a boy's thing at whose place, I need to go see mum she is not feeling well, I need to do this or that" and now three years have passed by and finally doors have started opening in his career and more excuses are made.

It had come to this, they were living in a better house but every corner echoes of loneliness. Did she see this coming? Joseph was such a sweetheart when he did not earn much, he could afford to spend time with me but now everything else is more important and she is last thought in his mind.

From the rags, to the riches and now she is wallowing in loneliness wishing the riches would go away then she could get her husband back. She is now married to a drunk, who she cleans up after every night after he has spent his riches on the others out there.

IDEAL MAN pt 2

Lets just say...my 'guy' supermarket attendant isnt my guy anymore. I was living a sad life and it was getting the best of me and making me have wrinkles at 20. My girls had warned me about it and told me that I deserve better. When we meet with my friends, most of them are talking trips, weekends out, he bought me this, we did that and I didn't have a tale in the world to share except for the fact that I did nothing except fight with my boyfriend because he did not want to go anywhere or do anything fun and maybe the fact that his job is too demanding yet they pay him peanuts so we cannot afford to do much either. I was fed up, when is my life ever going to be fun? I kept asking myself. My life was boring because my boyfriend's life is boring and full of problems. I needed space and a lot of it.
Meanwhile, one of my girls introduced me to a guy called Sam. He was the perfect rebound but I really did not want him to be. He was too cute, financially stable and he always got me with his killer smile. OH MY! this means trouble. Sam, was like my remedy from my sad previous relationship. He was outgoing and I cant remember a weekend since I started seeing him, being in the house. I was in heaven. Everything I ever wanted was at my fingertips. The first month, I did not for one second think about ever going back to my previous life. Sam completed me and I was falling for him like a crazy teenager.
The second month, Ahem... I did not see this coming. I was seated at the balcony of my house and I realized that we have never spend quality time with my new boyfriend Sam. It was always going out, going for rugby games, meeting with pals for drinks not one day was it just the two of us. "This is not right!" I lamented to myself and started planning a date for just the two of us. My idea played perfectly in my head and now it was time to execution. " Sam, I was hoping we could have dinner at my place on Saturday?" I told him excitedly knowing he would agree to my proposal. "Babe, Saturday is the finals of the FA cup, I cant afford to miss that and plus my boys have already planned a trip to Naivasha so we could go hook up with an old boy. Maybe next time!" I was shuttered, why did I not even realized there was a football calendar and there was even a final that the faithfuls cannot miss. I thought to myself it must have been my fault because I did not plan well.
My idea of having a date just the two of us did not materialize and four months are almost down the drain.
I started thinking of my previous relationship, spending time together was never the problem, it was what we were doing that was the problem. I always based the fun part with being out there and doing something outdoor and disregarded that fun can be created.
I fought my previous boyfriend because he could not afford to take me out yet my new guy takes me out all the time but will never stay in with me just once. I complained to my girls a few times and they shunned me away saying, "I thought that what you always wanted!" Yes, that is what I thought I wanted but is it what I really want?
Awful could not describe the way I was feeling and finally I began to realize that this pain I am fighting is not one I could just shun away and go. I was already in love with Sam. My friends  rendez-vous made me believe that my previous relationship wasn't working because I wasn't doing what they were. However, this one should be working. Isn't this what I envied from their relationship? Isn't this what I was running to and believed that I wanted ? Is being just me and him, a problem am creating or is it something I really want?
Did I create a problem where there was none to justify my leaving the previous relationship? Did I leave a perfectly good guy for an 'ideal' one? Who exactly is my Ideal guy? One who wants to be with me or one who wants me to tag along?