Your online but You aint replying

Yeah,yeah yeah we all love to chat with our friends, boyfriends, workmates, neighbors and generally anyone who can keep a conversation going. With the new development of phones in the market, guys have opted to speak to the people offsite than the ones onsite hence the "antisocial behavior  branding. The texting madness has crossed over to the a new phase where you can actually see when the person you are talking to is online and when they are actually replying the message.I almost think it gives all over us a stalking like behavior to check when so and so was online and when they were last seen online and when they replied your text.
Well, I do that at times especially when I have been talking to someone and the conversation was interesting enough to keep at it for hours then someone leaves you hanging yet you can literally see that they are online. There are so many times you want to cross over to the other end and punch the person on their face because they are taking long to reply."You are online, I can see you but you are ignoring me and I just want a reply...Please just start typing..."a disturbing monologue happening in your head hoping it may pull the other person to reply.
In relationships, the instant messaging madness has caused more drama than the facebook "relationship status " and "What are you thinking updates" because one is able to track you and see if you just plainly ignoring them or just simply not replying because something has actually happened to the phone. These days not many people can get away with "I did not see your text excuse" because my text was sent at 11.32 and you were last seen online at 12.46 so how exactly did you not see my text? or the excuse my phone must have been off yet the guy was online as you were typing the message. This does not get easier when you have several chats from whatsapp, bbm, google talk, facebook and twitter all in one device. This is because someone may ignore your bbm text but was last seen on whatsapp a few minutes after you text on bbm. What excuse will you give that person? I just did not see the bbm blink because I was strictly on whatsapp or guys who have linked their Facebook updates to bbm hence when they update it shows on bbm but the stupid fool is not replying.
I can tell you for free that this has caused a lot and I mean alot of drama in relationships and all I can say I prefer the days of letters whereby you have to patiently wait to receive a reply for months and in case the letter does not arrive, you may quickly blame it on the post office than literally seeing someone refusing to reply to a three word sentence.
My take on all this technology is a whole lot messier than the past inventions. A letter would have taken longer to arrive but always left a cleaner slate between the sender and receiver with regards to simple courtesy.

Denial

When folding my clothes,the word denial came to my mind and I think it's a sense of psychological state of mind that every person goes through one day or another. I checked the word in the dictionary and found out that denial comes in three stages Simple, Minimisational and Transference. That state is basically a way of coping with difficult situation in order to reduce stress.

So am seated in my room looking at my favorite pair of jeans that I used to wear in my early years of campus.I have tried wearing them a couple of times but trust me, these days they don't go past the knees. I become disappointed and enter a state of denial that my pair of jeans had reached its expiry date in my closet hence get rid of them somehow. However, that state did not change, I folded my jeans and thought to myself "I will lose weight pretty soon and I will be back to rocking them like I used to!" and soon they were back to my closet.

The point is, I was in a state of denial refusing to accept that I am not going  to fit in my jeans anymore and hence I should get myself another pair and get rid of those ones. They have not lost their gist and look pretty amazing but their work in my closet was done.

In life, we go through such times to ease ourselves the heartache of going through a loss. It can happen either after you have lost someone to death, became paralyzed, changed lives and we choose to believe that hanging on to the past is better off than moving on. Loosing something special in our lives can be hard and overwhelming but there comes a time we have to cut the wire or pull the  plug and let things be. When that happens, we finally receive a peace of mind and the curtain of self pity and frustration is lifted from our eyes hence we are able to appreciate reality and take a step forward to embrace it.

Perfect Size

I am starring at an old photo in one of my album and I can't seem to rub off the thought that I have added weight or let's say grown some sizes bigger. This has been my greeting over the past few days, "What are you eating? Wow, You've grown big!" With such exclamations you feel like you resemble a pig or maybe a close relative. This got me thinking, is it okay to add weight maybe grow sizes bigger because with the way people put it, you can run to the nearest chemist and buy yourself some slimming tea or pills.

However, the right question is what is the right size? because telling a lady that she is fat or thin both come out as an insult. Many ladies are always wallowing about weight gain and how they need to cut weight or basically slim up their sizes. Is this because the world portrays the perfect figure is of a skinny girl of the perfect height at the Beauty Contests and the rest short and maybe well endowed African babes, South American beauties and other beauties who are not size 2 are basically Fat and unattractive? No, not really! I believe that whether you have added weight or you are well endowed with good size of hips and behind, you  are the perfect size.

Hmmm... eventually I have to terms with my new established figure and have had to accept that times have changed and hence the body structure. I am not necessarily fat compared to the photo taken three years ago but I have acquired a new beautiful figure that may not fit in the dress worn in that photo to be exact. So for me, the perfect size is the size that you as a person are most comfortable with and not the ones at Miss Worlds or Miss Universes or at the billboards but the one you see at the mirror and smile.

The last goodbye!

So I really do not think that I learn from my mistakes not when it comes to the matters of the heart. As hard core as people presume me to be I forget all about it once I start to love. They call it blind I call it a bad infection that has got no cure, no prevention and once I get it, I get it good, right to the toes. 

After the break-up I thought I had gotten over the infection and I was ready to rumble. I was going hard core again but have you ever felt stupid trying so hard to be mad at someone yet you can get mad enough because you  always end up forgiving them? Well, that was me 'hardcore' but not hardcore enough because I fell for the trap hook, line and sinker. For a minute, I thought things will be okay, I could see us getting back together and solving all our problems and like I said for a minute and once the 60 seconds was over the newsflash hit me like a tornado and the words no woman wants to hear came out from his mouth,"There's someone else!"

This was not flashing news to me or shocking story but it hit me hard that I stopped thinking. That moment when everything stops moving and everything is still. I finally knew it was over. All the hope, silent wishes, whispering prayers that things will work out stopped and the factory for that production was closed. I closed my eyes and tears streamed down like a barrel of stored wine and I couldn't stop myself  from crying for about two hours or so. I felt like I was cut through the heart and I needed a surgeon but it wont be soon until I get one.

I looked at him and could think of anything else except "I am happy for you!" and continued my weeping as I left his presence. I now awaited a journey that I wish I could fast forward but its something I had to do.