I Will Love My Child

With the mother's day spirit wafting the air, there are some of us whisked into the melancholy of not really knowing or feeling exactly what is the fuss about.
I watch solemnly out of the window and watch as a mother holds her daughter's hand as they stride to the shop. The daughter swings her mother's hand as they share a very interesting story telling from the look on her mother's face.

The scene took me back years when I was about the girl's age and I could not recall ever going anywhere with my mother neither to the shops nor to visit a neighbour. Most of the times she would shove me away and say that she does not want me disturbing her or she was going to a place not encouraged for babies like me. By the age of 10, I got used to the idea and did not bother trying to get my mother's attention anymore.

I was not exactly a bad kid, in fact I was an excellent student in class, always top of my class and was good in the co-curricular activities as well.However, I could not understand the distance between my mother and I. Every moment I had, I made sure I would come out the best just to get my mother's attention and approval.

Things did not exactly go as expected even with the good grades and everything, I guess she was used to having a bright child and anyway it saved her a lot of money because I ended up getting a scholarship all the way to high school.

There are times I would simply wish for her to show a little concern. I wanted to do some of the things with her; go shopping, visiting the city, cook.

Eventually, things got all messy when my sister got pregnant out of marriage, all her anguish and stale mood fell on me. Our relationship was tarnished never to be recovered. I stopped seeking her approval and stop wishing for a more concerned parent. She was as hard as a rock even in the worst of situations like sickness, nothing moved her to care.

One day I knelt down and said this special prayer, God I know I am not perfect but please let me have a heart to love my child and to show him/her the care and concern that I see in other mothers' eyes because with that I will get the true satisfaction that I have seek all my life. I promise to always love my child! Amen!

As the rest of the world celebrates Happy Mother's Day, I think of my child who is yet to be born or conceived but I promise to love him/her and give him/her the support I never received.