once bitten twice shy!: A Bird in hand is worth two in a bush

once bitten twice shy!: A Bird in hand is worth two in a bush: Life is a gamble. We always want more than we already have. Somehow just somehow, what somebody else has always looks better than what you h...

A Bird in hand is worth two in a bush

Life is a gamble. We always want more than we already have. Somehow just somehow, what somebody else has always looks better than what you have. A dress, a watch, a car, a house unless in the very truth it isn't. I have done shopping with my girls a few times and we get back to the house, I always feel like they picked better tops, shoes, and I had the same chance to do the same. Anyway, this is a proverb, phrase that captures my life and many others almost on a daily basis and I thought I should one of my many stories.
Rose was a beautiful girl who raised in the surburbs by a single mum who had done a good job by making her life as comfortable as ever. Rose had never used a matatu in her life and did not know the meaning of not being able to afford. Everything was given to her by request and literally her life is what every other child would call smooth sailing.
Unfortunately to Rose it didn't feel the same way, she wanted to spend time with her mum, get to share their day's experience, shop, laugh, cook but that never came to pass. Rose's mum was always busy doing one thing or the other. She had too many friends and no time to spend with Rose. She hired a nanny from when Rose was born and gave her the responsibility of caring for her daughter until now Rose is almost turning 15.
Anna was the name of the nanny. She knew what was going on and she made it her duty to put a smile on Rose's face every time she could. Rose and Anna did not exactly have the best relationship. According to Rose, Anna was just mare nanny and nothing more. No matter how many things she would do, Rose never paid attention and solely wanted the mum's attention.
It was an evening like no other, Rose came home and everything did not seem to be in place. She got really angry because her favourite biscuits were not in the kitchen, there was no tea in the flask, her shoes were dirty from yesterday and the house looked like a mess. She went straight to Anna's room to make a fuss and get to the bottom of the confusion in the house. Anna was on the floor, not moving, her eyes were closed but her body was still warm. Rose became frantic, and ran upstairs to call the ambulance or someone who could help. She had never been in charge of anything, everyone was always taking care of her especially Anna but this time she had to take the lead.
She made the emergency call and ran back to Anna's room to check if she is alive. She had seen in the movies how to check for the heartbeat, she put her fingers on her neck and sensed a slow throb on the neck.
Tears began to fill her eyes, when she realized that Anna may be dying and she had never really gotten to know her. Who was her family? Did she have kids? Where was she really from? Rose had no idea about her nanny's life. She went through her drawers to find something that could give her a clue of who to call. She scrambled through her everything and found a book. Hurriedly, she opened and began to read.
 After a few minutes or so, Rose realized she had been sobbing and was interrupted by the siren of the ambulance. The took her and put her into the ambulance and Rose got in and accompanied them to the hospital. Rose began to realize, Anna had been the only person who paid every attention to her. She made her favorite sandwich, she took her to shop, she taught her how to make muffins although Rose never paid attention. Anna always made a special cake for her on her birthday and somehow managed to get everything from her closet, to her food, schedule sorted at all times and Rose had not even one day paid attention. She always thought that Anna is paid to do those things, she does not need to be congratulated for it.
Rose always wanted her mum's attention which was too much to ask for. She spent most of her life sad because she wanted to have a normal relationship with her mum like everyone else but she did not get exactly what she wanted but got love care and attention from a stranger who is not her biological mum.
Rose is not the only who does this to herself or to others. We want things to work out they way we want. At times we have blessings right by our side but we are too focused in getting what we want and how we want it.
Rose may loose the opportunity of enjoying having a "mum" who is not necessarily the biological mum but plays the part better than most biological mums. This is not the normal story of where things should work according to plan but I believe the most awesome relationships are from the most awkward of situations.
Rose always had a mum, Anna was her mum and her bird in hand.

once bitten twice shy!: From Rugs to Riches to Loneliness

once bitten twice shy!: From Rugs to Riches to Loneliness: We all start from somewhere. The journey of a thousand miles start with a step and everyone has a story of where their journey begins. ...

From Rugs to Riches to Loneliness

We all start from somewhere. The journey of a thousand miles start with a step and everyone has a story of where their journey begins. When the struggle is every day's prick on the foot, you always forward to when the struggle will finally end and the good life begins. During the struggle, you meet and can manage to keep very few people in your life. However, most of us forget where we started and taken away by events of the good life.

Anyway the story I have today speaks volumes of what some people seem go through and I thought I should speak my mind about it.

A man, Joseph comes home very drunk, you could smell his alcohol breath from all way from the bar. He stinks and looks like a tornado hit his clothes as well as his entire being. He is a total mess, a real big one in fact. He bangs the door as he hurls insults at the wife to open the door. The Wife, Stella strolls slowly and opens the door for the darling husband. He staggers his way in and before he could utter another sentence he spills the remains of what he had for lunch to the floor, mumbles something like "where is the food?" and falls to the seat and waits for his wife to bring his food.

Stella, Joseph's wife barely complains.She walks to the kitchen heats his food and diligently takes the food to him in the sitting room. She then heats water for her husband to clean up and hurries back to remove his filthy clothes off his body, once he is done with having his dinner. She escorts him to the bathroom, cleans him up and takes him to bed and he is forced to put on his clean pyjamas. This has been routine for Stella and Joseph since three years ago when Joseph finally got a job promotion and his life started a step into the good life. That was the beginning of Stella's worry bottoms.

One day as Stella is at the cafe with her small sister near her husband's workplace, she overhears some lady mention her husbands full names and says something particularly queer about him. You would think queer would be something awful but on the contrary it was something nice. Allegedly, the husband had bought the lady a beautiful necklace and had promised to cook lunch over the weekend. Stella preferred to assume that the mentioned man was not her husband because the drunk that comes home every night is not capable of selecting a bead from a quarry stone and he had never ever touched any utensil since the day they first met,would he even know the difference between the mwiko for ugali and the one for stew.

However, later on that evening, she noticed that Joseph was wearing a new shirt. This caught her attention and she decides to peruse the pockets maybe she might find something interesting. To her surprise, she found a receipt for a beauty shop, he had bought a necklace. This revelation cut through her heart and she felt a surge to place the iron box on his face. She felt betrayed. What had she done to deserve such animosity and obnoxious treatment from her husband.

Stella could not have a decent conversation with her husband because half the time he was always too drunk to speak. He had one excuse after another of why they could not do one thing or the other together. " Oh I have work this weekend, My workmates are having a boy's thing at whose place, I need to go see mum she is not feeling well, I need to do this or that" and now three years have passed by and finally doors have started opening in his career and more excuses are made.

It had come to this, they were living in a better house but every corner echoes of loneliness. Did she see this coming? Joseph was such a sweetheart when he did not earn much, he could afford to spend time with me but now everything else is more important and she is last thought in his mind.

From the rags, to the riches and now she is wallowing in loneliness wishing the riches would go away then she could get her husband back. She is now married to a drunk, who she cleans up after every night after he has spent his riches on the others out there.

IDEAL MAN pt 2

Lets just say...my 'guy' supermarket attendant isnt my guy anymore. I was living a sad life and it was getting the best of me and making me have wrinkles at 20. My girls had warned me about it and told me that I deserve better. When we meet with my friends, most of them are talking trips, weekends out, he bought me this, we did that and I didn't have a tale in the world to share except for the fact that I did nothing except fight with my boyfriend because he did not want to go anywhere or do anything fun and maybe the fact that his job is too demanding yet they pay him peanuts so we cannot afford to do much either. I was fed up, when is my life ever going to be fun? I kept asking myself. My life was boring because my boyfriend's life is boring and full of problems. I needed space and a lot of it.
Meanwhile, one of my girls introduced me to a guy called Sam. He was the perfect rebound but I really did not want him to be. He was too cute, financially stable and he always got me with his killer smile. OH MY! this means trouble. Sam, was like my remedy from my sad previous relationship. He was outgoing and I cant remember a weekend since I started seeing him, being in the house. I was in heaven. Everything I ever wanted was at my fingertips. The first month, I did not for one second think about ever going back to my previous life. Sam completed me and I was falling for him like a crazy teenager.
The second month, Ahem... I did not see this coming. I was seated at the balcony of my house and I realized that we have never spend quality time with my new boyfriend Sam. It was always going out, going for rugby games, meeting with pals for drinks not one day was it just the two of us. "This is not right!" I lamented to myself and started planning a date for just the two of us. My idea played perfectly in my head and now it was time to execution. " Sam, I was hoping we could have dinner at my place on Saturday?" I told him excitedly knowing he would agree to my proposal. "Babe, Saturday is the finals of the FA cup, I cant afford to miss that and plus my boys have already planned a trip to Naivasha so we could go hook up with an old boy. Maybe next time!" I was shuttered, why did I not even realized there was a football calendar and there was even a final that the faithfuls cannot miss. I thought to myself it must have been my fault because I did not plan well.
My idea of having a date just the two of us did not materialize and four months are almost down the drain.
I started thinking of my previous relationship, spending time together was never the problem, it was what we were doing that was the problem. I always based the fun part with being out there and doing something outdoor and disregarded that fun can be created.
I fought my previous boyfriend because he could not afford to take me out yet my new guy takes me out all the time but will never stay in with me just once. I complained to my girls a few times and they shunned me away saying, "I thought that what you always wanted!" Yes, that is what I thought I wanted but is it what I really want?
Awful could not describe the way I was feeling and finally I began to realize that this pain I am fighting is not one I could just shun away and go. I was already in love with Sam. My friends  rendez-vous made me believe that my previous relationship wasn't working because I wasn't doing what they were. However, this one should be working. Isn't this what I envied from their relationship? Isn't this what I was running to and believed that I wanted ? Is being just me and him, a problem am creating or is it something I really want?
Did I create a problem where there was none to justify my leaving the previous relationship? Did I leave a perfectly good guy for an 'ideal' one? Who exactly is my Ideal guy? One who wants to be with me or one who wants me to tag along?

A Friend in need...

Sharing my crazy thoughts about friends and maybe just a continuation  from what about love...in the previous blog!

In this process of growing up and realizing one self, you discover so many things you did not know but now you know.

Am at this point in my life when I barely have time to meet anyone even my sister who is my neighbour not necessarily next door. I keep making dates and never even make it to half of them. Its not because I do not want but with my crazy schedules at work I barely have enough energy to sustain me to even have a good get together.

However, in this mambo jambo, you loose some friends in the wake and run for money, career paths and the heltar skeltar of business and trying to grasp your happy ending. It gets crazier by the day and you have to let go eventually. But there are determined friends out here, who will bug you, whatsapp you, call you and cause a fuss for not replying their messages. They will always say hi even if you do not reply, send forwards and try get your attention which you eventually get a grip and start replying and eventually it becomes the norm of the day.

They people who are so easy to talk to even when you haven't seen them or heard from them in a long time, they greet you and continue from where we left off last year. This goes on and you eventually form a small pack of friends whom you are in constant communication with almost everyday. You know where they are without really interrogating because it slips off their tongues and becomes part of the conversation.

I choose to be that friend who makes people smile even if its sharing a lollipop, or just a joke. My friend called me once and told me she was pregnant and she did not know what to do, I told her that I would be there for her even if its just to hold her hand at the clinic.

When my friend gets sick, I may not necessarily leave work and go be their rescue nurse but I will call and have a chat to remind them that am still there. I believe in the little things that make this world a better place.

I once told a close friend that I do not have to be rich to be good to my peoples, but I will use the little that I have to make it count.

The busy schedule and all this technology, we got to make it work, atleast even once in a while. If you friend needs connection send them a link, it wont hurt a soul. If you girl needs to vent, give them an ear, on Skype, Whatsapp anyhow you can make it work. We all need each other and I need you. So kindly understand that I may not always be there but I will try.

A friend in need is indeed a friend in deed.

What about Love?

I always imagined that when you love someone, you always like them. 'Like them' in the context that you always want them around, you like the vibe they give you, they make you happy and etc...However, I came to discover something different about the whole love affair. When its puppy love and that sort of non sense you will definitely feel exactly like I mentioned above but they dont tell you what happens when that person pisses you, disappoints you or rips your world apart, am I expected to feel the same way? Do I smile at them when they literally break my heart, or do I turn and say aurevoir.

So now am with my boss and he looks quite happy being away from home. In my naivety, I would have thought that he is probably not happy in his marriage. Like I said, in my naivety! He is so chilled and says he would like to stay in the field a while longer. However, the guy loves his wife, but truth be told, sometime away helps. Just sometime away from the nagging and why didnt you pick up my call and where are you and why are you late? Some time alone restores your sanity.

We are meant to imagine the person you love should always give the tingling feeling at the pit of your stomach, a ray of sunshine every time they show up but I will not lie to you, there are days they become the most annoying people around, and at times you are so used to each other until everything is not a big deal anymore.

But how do you know this is love? When you are together doing nothing in particular but ok that someone is around and you know they got your back. The person you love makes stupid mistakes and the best you can do is watch them and simply pray they find their way. Love stories show pursue and the determination of getting to be together. But behind closed doors people fight, yell at each other, run away, argue, cry and say things that shouldn't be said.

These two people complete each other in their unique way but they are also human and will not be as patient as God is. I think in my defense God is the only tolerant, most forgiving and patient Supreme Being you will ever meet. He will forgive you for anything you ever do, but your love will probably mess up, look elsewhere, get bored, give up and probably some will walk away.

Love is bigger than the tingling feeling, Old folks stay together in silence while they watch TV but for sure they love each other. Some people barely say I love you or hold hands or even feel the tingly feeling, but they will catch a grenade for you. Its more that what you see outside but more of what you feel inside.

So what about love?